Perhaps Sarah Mac does not really make a good listen at 3am on a wet, pouring morning.
Perhaps the Scottish girl was right. That in my maddening pursuit of success, I had got lost along the way and never really enjoyed the chase.
Perhaps all I need now is a Sweet Surrender.
I miss Fall. When the leaves wore a plethora of colors. Yellow, brown, red, purple; all waltzing carelessly to the crisp of autumn's swirling breeze.
Things are indeed falling apart but into places now. I am falling apart but the team is falling into place. Just the way I had hoped for it to. There was no shortage of commitment when the team calls for it. A lof willing hands and willful hearts. The most touching part is when everyone showed up to help out when we had a public event. A girl even drove an hour to be there. Everyone was just working together to make this whole thing work. I never intended for it to be My team. I was merely the firestarter that sparks a wild fire that is to consume the entire place.
In this wild pursuit of glory I have indeed strayed and lost my way. Lessons learned, excuses given, hearts broken, friends mended.
Adia, do you believe that I have failed you?
Would you believe me if I tell you that I love you and I am cold here without you?
These walls that I have built around me, would you tear them down?
Would you take away my frown and make me an all-dancing clown?
You have always accused me of being a cold-hearted loner. That I never wanted or needed you to be around to function. Maybe I was just sitting shit scared in my dark little corner waiting for you to lift me out. And in that small claustrophobic space- it does get lonely down there. The sad thing was that you were right to say that I did not need you to be around- but truth was, I wanted you to.
Phone flipped, unflipped, flipped,turned off and put away. It does not mean much. It does not mean anything at all. For I could not bring myself to dial those numbers and tell you that I love you. And you just walked away.
I remember picking up those fallen yellow autumn leaves and arranging them on the sidewalk to spell your name while I was locked out of your appartment. The wind kept on blowing them away but I would still pick up those leaves and start all over. Futile yet I relished every moment of it because it reminded me of you.
But life is like that, is it not? We could spend all our lives to painstakingly build something so beautiful only for it to be all unravelled in a blink of an eye.
Like how the mystery of us was undone.
Like how I am undoing my greatest faith that died before Jesus came.
Perhaps the Scottish girl was right. That in my maddening pursuit of success, I had got lost along the way and never really enjoyed the chase.
Perhaps all I need now is a Sweet Surrender.
I miss Fall. When the leaves wore a plethora of colors. Yellow, brown, red, purple; all waltzing carelessly to the crisp of autumn's swirling breeze.
Things are indeed falling apart but into places now. I am falling apart but the team is falling into place. Just the way I had hoped for it to. There was no shortage of commitment when the team calls for it. A lof willing hands and willful hearts. The most touching part is when everyone showed up to help out when we had a public event. A girl even drove an hour to be there. Everyone was just working together to make this whole thing work. I never intended for it to be My team. I was merely the firestarter that sparks a wild fire that is to consume the entire place.
In this wild pursuit of glory I have indeed strayed and lost my way. Lessons learned, excuses given, hearts broken, friends mended.
Adia, do you believe that I have failed you?
Would you believe me if I tell you that I love you and I am cold here without you?
These walls that I have built around me, would you tear them down?
Would you take away my frown and make me an all-dancing clown?
You have always accused me of being a cold-hearted loner. That I never wanted or needed you to be around to function. Maybe I was just sitting shit scared in my dark little corner waiting for you to lift me out. And in that small claustrophobic space- it does get lonely down there. The sad thing was that you were right to say that I did not need you to be around- but truth was, I wanted you to.
Phone flipped, unflipped, flipped,turned off and put away. It does not mean much. It does not mean anything at all. For I could not bring myself to dial those numbers and tell you that I love you. And you just walked away.
I remember picking up those fallen yellow autumn leaves and arranging them on the sidewalk to spell your name while I was locked out of your appartment. The wind kept on blowing them away but I would still pick up those leaves and start all over. Futile yet I relished every moment of it because it reminded me of you.
But life is like that, is it not? We could spend all our lives to painstakingly build something so beautiful only for it to be all unravelled in a blink of an eye.
Like how the mystery of us was undone.
Like how I am undoing my greatest faith that died before Jesus came.
2 Comments:
wow.. Kit.. I feel you. Take it easy. Just so you know, you are loved.
i dont know who are, but u're very interesting. :) if u so permit, ill happily keep reading. and those of us who dont write in blogger anymore cannot comment. ah, well.
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